Return to Storm Island

When Blair got home from class, he found Jim’s fishing gear lounging against the back of the sofa.

"Hey Chief," Jim said, descending the loft stairs with a couple of duffel bags. "You up for a return out to Storm Island?"

Blair stopped short. "Oh no," he said. "No more drug lords, please."

Jim smiled, and it was easy and heart stopping. "No drug lords, I promise. Just another old-fashioned family birthday celebration. We’ll get it right this time."

"I can’t believe he went back to work out there," Blair said.

Jim shrugged. "It’s his home."

"So," said Blair, wriggling his eyebrows as he headed toward his room, "do I get to meet Andy, the famous fiancée?"

"Nope," said Jim, finishing his packing. "She’s away again."

"You know, I’m starting to think you guys are just making her up," Blair teased, and Jim rolled his eyes.

"I know what you think," he said dryly. "You are a bad, bad boy."

Blair laughed out loud from the confines of his room. "Oh really?" He loved it when Jim was in a mood like this. He just hoped it held out for the long helicopter trip across deep water, definitely not high on the list of Jim’s pleasures in life.

"Yep," said Jim. "By the way, don’t forget something to read. I know how thrilled you were about listening to Chinese books on tape last time."

"Don’t worry, I know what to expect now," Blair replied, and finished getting ready for the unexpected vacation.

The trip out was quiet, with Blair trying to keep up the joking mood so that Jim’s uneasiness couldn’t get too out of hand. Nonetheless, it was obvious that Jim was very thankful to get off of that helicopter and onto the dock at the Coast Guard Station.

"Jimmy!"

"Cuz!" said Jim, and the two men hugged in greeting.

"Hi ya, Rucker," Blair said, and the other man shook his hand warmly.

"Hopefully we’ll have better luck this time," said Rucker.

Blair said, "I hope so," quite fervently.

"They fixed the building," Rucker said, and Jim and Blair examined the new improvements. The new power system had finally been installed as well.

"So I guess something good came out of the bad," Blair observed optimistically.

Rucker shrugged and said, "I’m still just grateful that Andy was away that weekend."

"How is she, anyway?" asked Blair.

Rucker shot him a dry look. "Still doubtful, Sandburg?"

The last time Blair had been on the island he had made some assumptions about Rucker's sexuality that had turned out to be very incorrect. But hell, how was he to know Andy was short for Andrea?

"How do you put up with this guy anyway?" Rucker asked Jim, who had already picked up a National Geographic Magazine to leaf through. Blair made a mental note to get a subscription for Jim’s birthday.

"It’s a chore," Jim said, and Blair flipped him a playful bird, which made the Sentinel laugh and settle back comfortably onto the old sofa.

Later that night they had a hearty meal, Blair eagerly listening to old stories about harrowing Coast Guard rescues. Then came the family tales, which Blair really wanted to hear.

"I wish I had known Jim as a kid," Blair said enviously. "He’s seen all the screw-ups I’ve made over the past few years. I don’t have anything on him."

"Oh, I could tell you some tales," Rucker said.

"Oh, but you won’t," said Jim mildly. "Not if you want this birthday present."

They laughed, and Rucker opened up some Russian literature. Written in…Russian, of course, the language of choice this year.

Blair shook his head. "Maybe I need to be stationed out here for several months," he said. "Then I’d actually get some reading done."

"You wouldn’t last a week," Jim said, mouth full of the cake he and Sandburg had brought for dessert. "Not any women."

"Jim thinks I’m shallow," Blair said, rolling his eyes over at Rucker.

Rucker just smiled. He had rarely seen Jimmy so relaxed as he was with this kid partner of his. Rucker had first met Blair a year ago when the student had accompanied Jim out to the island for last year’s birthday celebration. The whole thing had gone terribly awry with the arrival of some vengeful drug folks – Rucker ended up in the hospital with a gunshot wound. After that they had kept in fairly regular touch, and it hadn’t taken long Rucker long at all to see how close his laconic cousin had become to his partner. Jim Ellison had always been somewhat of a loner. Rucker was glad he had a buddy now. He enjoyed seeing Jim so relaxed, the laugh lines around his blue eyes so much more pronounced now. Much better than the frown lines he used to perpetually wear.

After dinner, Jim put on his coat for a stroll out on the dock, just in case the clouds lifted enough to see the stars. Without a word, Blair put on his coat, too.

"I think I’ll check the charts a bit," Rucker said, and Jim nodded.

Jim was silent on the walk down to the dock, and Blair said nothing, matching his pace. Jim was in no particular hurry. He just liked to check things out at night, especially after last year’s little surprise. Plus he liked the outdoors. It was one thing he really missed living in the city.

"It’s cold out," Jim warned Blair, and Blair nodded, sticking his hands in his pockets.

They stood at railing below the lighthouse and looked out across the open sea. The great light, automated now, flashed its way behind them, and Jim grimaced from the sudden brightness.

Turning back to look at the pale tower, Blair said, "Do you think we could go up there? That would be kinda of cool, at night."

"I don’t see why not," Jim shrugged. "Just don’t touch anything."

"Just don’t touch anything," Blair mocked, giving Jim an exasperated look. "I’m not ten."

"Sometimes you wouldn't know it," Jim said, but he gave Blair a fond hair tousling to belie his words.

They headed up toward the tower in the silent darkness, and despite his keen interest, Blair couldn’t help but skip a heartbeat as they walked into the unlit room. Upstairs above the iron railings, he could see a sweep of light as it crossed the sky. The heavy doors clicked behind shut them, and the shadows flicked across the empty expanse of workspace. Jim didn’t turn on the lights, and they walked slowly up the stairs, their boots ringing loudly against the metal.

"Wow," said Blair, standing at a huge glass window and watching as a giant swatch of light lit up the entire sea before them.

"Yeah," said Jim behind him. "Pretty neat, huh, Chief?" He put a friendly hand on Blair’s shoulder.

"Uhm," Blair said in agreement. "Real neat," and he shifted for balance, leaning back into Jim.

For a while, they just stood and watched the light dissect the sea. And this is why you're really here, thought Jim Ellison to himself. Because you thought that maybe here in this secluded place, you and Blair would finally figure out just what is going on between the two of you.

Because he didn't really know how to begin such an exploration, Jim just squeezed Blair's shoulder and said, "I’m glad you came along, Sandburg."

Surprised, Blair looked over at him and said, "Me, too, Jim, me, too." Their eyes met, and Jim’s were so different that Blair felt something melt in the vague vicinity of his chest cavity.

"Come here," said the surprisingly sentimental sentinel, and he pulled Blair into a gruff, manly hug, wrapping his arms around his friend’s body.

Closing his eyes against Jim’s shoulder, Blair squeezed back, crazily happy to be there.

After a moment, Jim let go, and Blair did too, albeit reluctantly. Jim left his hand on Sandburg’s shoulder, though, and they stood there for some time just watching the sea.

"It’s so deep out there," Jim said.

Blair shot him another look. "Yeah," he replied.

Jim shook his head. "I couldn’t hack this job."

"Yeah, you could," said Blair sympathetically. "I firmly believe you could do anything you set your mind to, James Ellison."

"That’s why I keep you around," said Jim, patting Blair’s shoulder happily. "Just for the P.R."

"I’m honored to do your P.R., buddy," Blair said frankly, and the unnamed emotion that had been dogging Jim all evening surfaced again.

All evening, he thought dryly. How about for several years? Out loud, however, he just said, "Jeez, Sandburg, what do you want? Or is there something you’re not telling me?" he teased. "Charge something on my accounts again?"

"Hey, I said I’d pay that back-" Blair began, and Jim just laughed and pulled him closer to him once again.

"I said I didn’t care, Sandburg, and I meant it. I figure we’re pretty even on the give and take around the house. Even though trustfully, I probably owe you a bit."

"Oh yeah? How do you figure that?" Blair asked, quite curious. Jim sure was awfully touch-feely tonight. He wondered what in the hell was going on. Had the big guy finally gotten a clue?

Jim shrugged, reached up a finger and pulled gently on Blair’s curls. "I think we both know that I got the best end of the deal in this partnership."

"You serious?" Blair asked, his hand on Jim’s arm as he turned to face him.

Another shrug. "I know I’m not the easiest person in the world to live with," Jim admitted.

"Hey, no worse than me, buddy," Blair said. "How you haven’t kicked me out on my ass…." He stopped as Jim’s face tightened. "Sorry," Blair said immediately.

"No, I deserved that," said the other man.

"No, I know…." Blair’s voice trailed off, and he stared down at Jim’s stomach in the dark.

Jim put his big hands on Blair’s shoulders and said, "We’re starting over, right? Doing the best we can with all of this."

"Yeah," said Blair, nodding. He sighed, looked up to meet Jim’s eyes. "Each day’s a new one."

Jim gave him the ghost of a smile. "That’s the Sandburg I know and love. The perpetual good thoughts calendar."

"I love you, too," said Blair, and their eyes met in the grayness of the sea behind them.

There was a moment, then Jim reached a hand out to gently touch Blair’s wide cheekbone. "You’re a sneaky bastard, Sandburg," he said.

"Why?" asked the grad student, wide-eyed.

"You just are," said Jim, and again, he enfolded his best friend to his broad chest.

"I’d really like to know why I’m a sneaky bastard," Blair said, muffled against Jim’s coat.

"Because you sneak into people’s lives," Jim said. And their hearts, he thought. He felt Blair relax against him. To Jim, the younger man felt so warm, so alive. It was a pretty heady feeling after that horrible day at the fountain. Blair alive. He couldn’t get enough of it. Rubbing his hands over his friend’s back, Jim said, "C’mon, let’s get you back. You’re freezing, Chief."

Not cold in your arms, Blair thought, but reluctantly, he pulled away and followed Jim down the stairs to the first level. At the door, he found himself regretful that they would be leaving his shadowy, magical place between the worlds. It was like Avalon, he thought. At the very least a place where Jim Ellison felt comfortable enough to say very nice things about his very happy to hear them roommate.

"Jim," he said, reaching out before Jim could open the door.

"Yeah?" Jim turned, blue eyes immediately on him.

"I.…" The words failed him. "Thanks," he said, and Jim nodded.

"You’re welcome," he said, and turned and lead the way back to Rucker’s house. Well, thought Jim, I guess that was maybe some kind of step, who knew?

While Blair was in the shower, Rucker said to Jim, "So, you seeing anybody?"

"Nah," said Ellison, leaning back on the sofa.

"Hard to meet women in the city?" Rucker asked sympathetically.

"I’ve met a few," Jim said, shaking his head. If you only knew, he thought, thinking not only of Alex Barnes and that whole mess, but of the other complications currently in his life.

"Andy may know some people," Rucker offered, but Jim declined.

"It’s the job," he said, lying. "Hard hours, strange assignments. Not easy being a cop’s spouse."

"Well, looks like you got a good partner thing going, at any rate," Rucker said easily.

"Yeah," said Jim, listening to the sound of the shower. "He’s had a rough year," he added, for no reason in particular.

"Oh?" Rucker looked concerned.

"Yeah, just some cop stuff. A bad injury." God, I’m as good at obfuscating as Sandburg is, Jim thought.

"Sorry to hear that," said Rucker sincerely. "I didn’t notice anything."

"Bump on the head," said Jim. "We nearly lost him." And then my animal spirit jumped in and merged with this, Jim thought. And then always, those words…I’m not sure I’m ready to take that trip with you, Chief. Coward. Was it too late now to take those words back? Maybe big stupid cops only got one chance at something like that.

"That’s too bad," said Rucker. "Wow."

Jim shrugged. "All’s well that ends well. Fortunately." If it does end well, he thought.

The shower stopped, and soon afterwards Blair came out in sweats and a long-sleeved Henley. He looked at the other two men questioningly.

"You go ahead," Jim said to Rucker. "I think I’ll hit the sack." He had showered first, and was mulling over the sleeping arrangements. Rucker had insisted on taking the cot off the kitchen, giving Blair and Jim the choice of the bedroom or the sofa.

"You want the bed?" Blair asked now, as the two of them stood there.

"No, I’ll take the sofa," Jim said.

"No," said Blair, "I can handle that. You’re taller, remember? The bed will be more comfortable."

"We could both take the bed," Jim said practically. "It’s a double."

Blair raised an eyebrow. "Your cousin wouldn’t mind?" Jim knew he was asking, "What would your cousin think?"

"My cousin knows you’re the king of the table legs," Jim smirked, and he headed to the bedroom, followed by Blair saying, "Oh c’mon, man," in a thoroughly disgusted tone.

Jim read for a while, trying for a complete air of normalcy, as Blair tried to get to sleep but couldn’t. By the time Rucker was settled in the other part of the house, Blair said, "I shouldn’t have had that last cup of coffee."

"Told you to drink de-caf."

Blair flipped around for a while, then all was silent. Looking over, Jim saw that the student had finally dropped off, mouth open, breathing slow and heavy.

Smiling, Jim turned off the lamp and went to sleep.

Several times in the night, Jim woke to find Blair pressed annoyingly into his space. Okay, maybe it wasn't so annoying. But Blair was practically pushing him out of the bed, and once or twice Jim even had to growl, "Sandburg," and push the warm bundle back just so he could have enough room.

In the morning, Jim found himself spooned up behind Blair, knees fitting perfectly into knees, head against the back of Blair’s hair. Smiling, he threw his arm around him and smiled deeper when he felt Blair unconsciously pull the arm closer around him and hang on comfortingly.

The next time Jim awoke, he was face to face with Blair, who woke up right when he did. "Hello, Sleeping Beauty," he laughed, and Blair groaned and turned over.

"You take up all the room," he complained sleepily.

"Look who’s talking," Jim said mildly. "At least I don’t drool."

"Oh, god, did I drool?" Blair asked, turning back over and peering suspiciously at Jim’s pillow.

Jim smiled and popped him lightly on the butt.

"You are outrageously cheerful in the morning," Blair complained, "and watch those hands, buddy."

"Too late," Jim said happily. "You were already all over me last night. Your maidenhood is gone, pal."

Blair raised a suspicious eyebrow. "You better not be taking advantage of me while I sleep, Detective Ellison."

"I think it was the other way around," Jim said dryly, pulling the covers off and stretching. "I had one inch of space last night, Sandburg."

"Hmph," said Blair, burrowing back down into the covers.

Rucker was up at the light, but he had left instructions for breakfast, so Jim followed them. Blair showed up in time to help, feeling more human after his coffee.

"So, what’s on the agenda for today, big guy?" he asked.

"I told Rucker I’d help him with some general maintenance," Jim said. "You can help if you’d like."

"Sure," said Blair, "if you don’t think I’d be in the way."

"Since when has that ever stopped you?" Jim said mildly and Blair made a face.

After breakfast, they hooked up with Rucker and Blair got a good look at the lighthouse during the day. He stood and handed tools to Jim for a while, then puttered around, generally getting into everything while they finished up. It was time for lunch by then, and as they ate sandwiches and soup, Rucker filled them in on the latest politics in the Guard.

"It’s the same everywhere," Jim commiserated.

Some time later, Rucker said, "Well, no offense, guys, but I think I’ll take some down time for a while. You know me; I have to have my space once in a while. Think I’ll go stick my nose in a book."

"No problem," Blair said hastily. "We can walk around, right, Jim?"

"Sure," said Jim, and they prowled around the island. In the woods, they marked the spots of the gun battles of their last visit to the island.

"Wonder what happened to Monique," Blair mused.

"Who cares?" asked Jim, and Blair smiled as they walked to the far side of the island. There they had a nice secluded view of the ocean, and they sat and watched the swells for a while.

"I think I would build a cabin right here," Jim said. "On the edge of the trees, but still almost at the water’s edge."

"Oh yeah," said Blair.

Jim shot him a curious glance. "That wouldn’t be too secluded for you, Chief?"

"Hey, you’re talking to a man who lived in native villages, Jim. It’s not like this is more secluded than that."

"But you were visiting, Sandburg. I’m talking living."

"Oh? And Simon would let you have cop duty out here?"

Jim made a face. "I’m talking after my retirement."

Blair thought about that. It was something they had never really discussed. "This is public lands anyway, right?" he asked.

Jim shrugged. "I’d find somewhere like it. No, I wouldn’t really live on an island," he said, glancing out at the deep sea. "But I wouldn’t mind having a cabin somewhere. Just me and Mother Nature, you know?"

Blair said nothing. He wondered if he would be included in that. "You’d let me and the rest of the gang visit, right?" he asked, but he was only half-kidding.

"C’mon Chief, you know you’d always have a place to crash wherever I was. I just didn’t figure you’d want to get stuck out in the boondocks."

Blair said nothing, and after a while Jim said, "I wasn’t trying to say anything that offended you here, Chief."

"No, you didn’t," Blair said. "It’s just that we’ve never talked about that, you know. I mean, the future."

Jim shrugged. Yes, I do know, he thought. But outwardly he remained nonchalant. "What’s to say? I know you plan to be here for me as long as you can be, Chief, and I appreciate that." He reached out, squeezed Blair’s hand. Tried to look casual.

"Jim, uh…I guess…." Blair just couldn’t say the words. Couldn’t say, heck man, I gave up my career, my life for you. Didn’t you know that meant forever?

Jim squeezed his hand again. "That’s okay. You don’t have to say it, Sandburg. I appreciate everything you’ve done. C’mon, let’s see what the supper plans are, shall we? And time for some poker, I believe." Still keeping Blair’s hand, he pulled his partner to his feet and they both walked back to the house.

Jim actually allowed some family stories to be told that night, and Blair stared at Rucker and Jim, fascinated and openly envious. He never got tired of hearing about a younger Jim, and Rucker smiled to himself at the hero worship that was written all over Blair’s face. He was a good kid, that was for sure.

Poker was intense, and afterwards, Rucker said he had to have an early night. There was lightning on the far horizon, and Blair said, "Wonder what that would look like from the lighthouse?"

"You wanna go look?" Jim asked easily, and the two hurried outside and back into the dark tower.

Back at their full-length glass window, they stood in easy companionship and watched the storm across the water. It was quite a show. Great forks of lightning licked into the water, and both sentinel and guide stood there, fascinated. They stood so close together that Jim could feel the warmth of Blair’s body and breathing melt into his own. He had no doubt that even their heartbeats were synchronized.

"You know?" said Blair softly. "I’ve been a lot of really neat places in my life, but I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be right now."

"I think this is a spectacular place," Jim agreed, "but I think the company helps."

Blair glanced back at him, surprised, and Jim shrugged. "What? You don’t like my company?"

Blair smiled. "Yeah," he said, "you’ll do."

"Good thing," said Jim, "because sometimes I think we seem to be stuck with each other."

"Yeah," said Blair. "Sentinel."

"Shaman," said Jim, and he put his hand on the back of Blair’s neck and began massaging it. Blair could feel the energy in Jim’s fingers all the way down to his toes.

"Jim," said Blair.

"What?" Jim murmured.

"You ever wish you had a female Guide?" Blair asked, and Jim’s fingers stopped. Where had that come from?

"I don’t know," he shrugged. ‘I’ve never really thought about it."

"I mean, it would just make things easier," Blair said off-handedly.

"How so?" asked Jim. "I’m not sure I would have invited her into my home."

"Well," said Blair, "you know, a guide can be pretty important sometimes. That way, you know, well, the two of you could…I mean, when you get married, your wife is going to…you’ll have to find someone you can trust, you know," he finished lamely.

"Well, first of all," said Jim, his fingers moving again, "I’m not planning on getting married any time soon, Sandburg. And if I do, she’s going to have to learn to put up with you first, of course." He tried to make his tone light, but he just didn't know what to say. Had he been wrong about all of this? Did Blair really just assume there would be women in their future? Jim didn't know what to think about that.

Blair shrugged and stared out at the endless ocean. The night suddenly felt bleaker.

"Hey," said Jim, gently shaking him. "I’m not getting married anytime soon, I said. And what about you? You’ve got a new girlfriend every week."

"Yeah, but none of them mean as much as you do, Jim."

Jim digested this as his fingers stilled again. Blair could still feel the heat of them against his neck. "Thanks," Jim smiled, still not sure, "but I’m afraid I’m not much competition to some of the long-legged beauties you’ve got running after you. Course I do have long legs," he added humorously, and Blair just smiled, too. There was really nothing else to say.

"It’s okay," Jim added, tousling Blair’s hair. "We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. Aren’t you the one always waxing positive here, Sandburg?"

"Yeah," said Blair, but he didn’t sound very convinced.

They walked back to the silent house, and quietly got ready for bed. Jim just wasn't sure where anything was going anymore. When Sandburg slipped between the sheets, Jim turned the light out and they lay there for a moment.

"Sorry I took all your space last night," Blair said.

Jim smiled and said, "It’s okay, Sandburg."

"Good night, Jim."

"Good night, Chief."

Sleep was long in coming for Jim, though, and several times he thought of what he and Sandburg had talked about at the lighthouse. Women. Getting married. None of them mean as much as you do, Jim, Blair had said. Well, was he really surprised? Blair had given up his whole life for him. That had been a serious thing. They were past the first bloom of friendship here. What they had was a partnership. A very permanent one. One so permanent that Jim realized that for some time now he had just been thinking of him and Blair. With no room for anyone else. Had they finally taken some kind of step here? Jim didn't know. Or maybe everything they did these days were just little inexorable steps. And now that they were taking those steps, could they get back?

Jim didn't know if he wanted to go back.

When Blair rooted into his space, mouth open, Jim just gently turned him over and spooned up right behind him. Blair murmured something, and wrapped his warm arms trustingly over Jim’s.

Smiling, Jim nuzzled the edge of Sandburg’s ear and went to sleep.

Sometime in the night, Blair woke to find himself deeply nestled in his partner’s arms. Oh boy, he thought. The funny thing was that he had snuggled up willingly. "Jim," he whispered, when the bigger man didn’t move. "I gotta get up, man, I gotta go to the bathroom."

Jim let go and rolled over, and when Blair returned from the bathroom, he slid under the covers and touched Jim’s back. Immediately, Jim turned back over and once more, spooned underneath Blair.

"Jim?" Blair asked, wondering if Jim was asleep, and Jim said, "Yes?"

"Good night," said Blair, his hands on the arms around him.

"Good night, Chief," said Jim, and kissed him on the back of the head.

Lord, he must be half-asleep, thought Blair. But the younger man was warmed all the way down to his toes.

The next morning, Blair found himself curled onto Jim’s shoulder, arm slung across his roommate’s broad chest. Jim had a possessive hand on his wrist and an arm wrapped around him, effectively trapping Blair in his loose embrace.

"Morning," said Blair, not daring to move. He could feel drool on Jim’s tank top. "Shit," Blair said, frowning at the wet spot. "I’m sorry." Then he realized that he had a leg thrown across Jim’s thigh. And that he had a hard-on that Jim could probably feel. Dear gods, please don’t let him have been humping his roommate’s leg.

"Morning, sleepyhead," Jim said tenderly. He bit back an urge to kiss Blair on the head. Instead, he rubbed a lazy circle on Blair’s arm with his fingers. This unfortunately, did nothing to help the state of Blair’s morning erection. When Jim felt it twitch against his leg, he nonchalantly continued his arm rubbing, intrigued. Hey, there was more than one way to find out your roommate's secrets. And Blair was so much more than just a roommate, a truth that was becoming clearer with each passing moment.

"Breakfast time, huh?" Blair asked nervously, gingerly trying to pull his leg back as discreetly as possible. It didn’t help that his knee had detected Jim’s own erection. Shit! Jim was hard! What the hell did this mean? Where the hell was this going?

"If you’re cooking," Jim said lazily, letting Blair go.

Blair slid away, reluctantly. His groin was absolutely aching. He wondered what Jim would say if he just said, "Well, we’ve got some things to take care of here first, Jim," and started grinding his pelvis into Jim’s hard thigh. Blair! What are you thinking here?

At breakfast, Blair tried very hard to be nonchalant. Jim knew he was making an effort, and why, and tried not to look amused. Poor kid. He must be totally adrift at these latest developments. Well, it wasn’t like Jim wasn’t. He just wasn’t quite as freaked out about it. He knew that anything could happen, and usually did.

They went fishing after breakfast, and everything was pretty much back to normal, even thought Jim did wonder what would happen tonight in the bed. Or maybe Blair would opt to sleep on the couch. That would be a shame. This morning had felt so natural.

Ellison! What the hell hare you thinking here?

Oh, give me a break, he told his other voice. You know damn well what I'm thinking.

The fishing was fun, their interactions easy and friendly, with lots of shared glances and warm smiles. Jim found himself touching Blair at every opportunity, and found Blair leaning into the touches, looking up at him with those blue eyes and smiling as though he had found the holy grail itself. Oh wait, hadn’t he said once that was exactly what Jim was?

At lunch, they picked and teased so much that Rucker sat back and thought, "They’re flirting."

That afternoon, Rucker asked Jim to come help him with something, and Blair, sensing the cousins needed some time alone, stayed behind to read. At the lighthouse, where Jim helped Rucker greased some hinges, Rucker said, "Jim, this is none of my business."

Oh boy, thought Jim.

"But you and Sandburg…you’re just friends, right?"

Jim stared at the greasy screw in his hand. "What do you mean?" he asked, knowing full well what his cousin meant.

Rucker shrugged, tried to look casual. "Well, it’s just that…you have a very good rapport with one another."

"Nicely put," said Jim dryly. "You mean you think we have an unusual rapport."

"Well," hedged Rucker, smiling, "maybe."

"It’s okay," said Jim. "You’re not the first person who has commented on it. I’ve not told Sandburg about the comments, of course. He’s quite the one with the ladies," he added dryly.

"And you always have been," said Rucker.

"Yeah." Jim continued his work.

"I’m sorry if I was out of line," Rucker said, "I just wanted you to know that I really like Sandburg, and whatever you chose to do would be fine with me."

Touched, Jim nodded and glanced at his cousin. "Thanks," said Jim. "But as far as I know, everything’s still in working order when it comes to women." That's right, Jim, he thought to himself, just lie about it a little bit longer.

Who's lying? Last time I looked, Sandburg and I were still both straight.

Last time you looked. But maybe not the next time, huh?

And Rucker just laughed and let it go.

Still, it was almost all that Jim thought about for the rest of the day. He took a walk by himself for a while, and when he got back, he saw Blair waiting anxiously for him by the dock.

"Everything okay?" Jim asked, walking up, hands in pockets. He made them stay there just so he wouldn’t touch the younger man.

"Yeah," said Blair.

They stood and watched the waves for a moment.

"Blair," Jim said, and his partner’s head swung around to regard him.

"You happy with everything the way it is?" he asked, and Blair blinked.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…." Jim shrugged. "You know. Everything. Our partnership and all."

"Oh. Yeah, why?" Blair asked a bit anxiously.

Jim shrugged. "No reason."

"You?" Blair asked, his worry all over his face.

‘Yeah," said Jim, looking down at him. "It’s fine. It’s great."

And Blair said "Yeah, it is," and together, they walked back to the house.

Another storm rolled in that night, a big one that was taking no prisoners, and the power went out. They retired early, Jim standing at the window of the bedroom and watching the storm whip across the sea while Blair padded up behind him in his sweats and tee.

"Good thing they put in that emergency generator," Blair said. "It’d be freezing in here." It was still cold, and he shivered at the window.

Automatically, Jim pulled the younger man to him, standing behind him and wrapping his arms around Blair, rubbing his arms to keep him warm. Blair went, "Brrr," and Jim squeezed him and said, "Get into the bed, Chief."

"You coming?" Blair asked rather uncertainly.

"Yeah."

After they slid in in the dark, they lay there for a while listening to the storm whistle outside.

"You dialed down?" Blair automatically asked.

"Yes," said Jim. Then, "You still cold?"

"I’m some better now," said Blair, huddling under the mountains of blankets, and Jim turned and took Blair in his arms. As if he had just been waiting, Blair turned and slid into them, his arms around Jim’s waist, his head buried against Jim’s shoulder.

"Come here," Jim whispered, pulling him even closer and rubbing Blair’s back with big, sure hands.

This is it, thought Blair. We can’t keep doing this and pretend much longer. His body was one gigantic nerve. He tried very hard to keep his groin out of contact with Jim’s body.

Jim felt the muscles in Blair’s strong back, thought, this is right. This is it.

After a while, Blair finally fell asleep. Jim nuzzled his hair and thought, how can I go back to sleeping alone when we get home?

In the middle of the night, when Blair woke to go to the bathroom, he untangled himself from Jim and shuffled his way out of bed. When he returned, he curled right back up against Jim. Outside, the storm was still raging.

"You okay?" Jim whispered. Reaching over, he took Blair’s hand and laced their fingers together.

"Yeah," said Blair, "You?"

"Better now," said Jim, and leaning over, he kissed Blair on the side of the head, his hair tickling his nose.

"I love you," said Blair, and Jim said, "I love you, too, Blair."

And Blair threw his arms around Jim’s neck and held on for the rest of the night.

In the morning, the weather was still nasty. Great sheets of rain pelted the windows, and Jim lay there, listening, his arms tight around a very warm and sleeping Blair. There was a knock on his bedroom door, and he had just disentangled himself from his roommate when Rucker stuck his head in and said, "Jim? I’ve got to check something on the other side of the island. Just make yourself at home, okay? It may be a while."

"Sure," said Jim. "Anything I can do?"

"No, just stick around and keep an ear out for the radio, if you don’t mind," Rucker said. He glanced at the sleeping Blair, who was way over on Jim’s side of the bed. "Or just go back to bed." And Jim made a face at him as Rucker laughed and shut the door back.

When he heard the outside door shut, Jim turned his attention to Blair, who lay there in the deep gray morning light. The room was fairly dark, sheltered with strong shutters, and Blair was warm and cozy.

"Hhm," said Blair, snuggling up against Jim.

Jim kissed his temple again, smelling the intoxicating scent that was Sandburg. Okay, that was it. Things were way over the line here. It must be some kind of chemical sentinel guide thing. He was kissing Blair’s temple. He was sniffing Blair’s temple.

"Morning," Blair said sleepily.

Jim had to smile. He could barely keep from kissing him again

"Still storming?" Blair asked at the loud noise of the rain.

"Yep," said Jim, blatantly enjoying all this snuggling.

Then Blair began to really wake. "Oh," he said, looking up into Jim’s very close eyes.

"Sorry," said Jim, immediately letting him go and rolling away, but Blair said, "no," and stopped him.

"It’s cold, man," Blair said, trying to have a reason for all this cuddling.

"You’re warm as an oven, Chief," Jim said, but smiling, he pulled Blair to him and plied him with covers. It was awkward now. Nights were okay. Mornings were a little different. At least it was dark and gloomy. The shutters did a great job of shutting out the light.

"Where’s Rucker?" Blair asked.

"Gone around the island," Jim said.

"Uhm," said Blair, leaning his head down on Jim’s shoulder, and Jim reached up and started stroking his hair.

"Jim?" Blair asked after a while, voice cracking.

"Yeah?" Jim asked. His fingers traced gentle lines on the back of Blair’s skull. The hair was a bit shorter, thanks to that stint in the police academy, but it was still longish, and curly. Just the thing to entangle fingers in, Jim thought, fascinated.

What to say, Blair thought? Why are you doing this? What exactly is happening and why? I love you? I said that last night, he thought. So he closed his eyes and said, "That feels good."

Satisfied at those words, Jim continued with his stroking, tugging at the curls, massaging Blair’s head as Blair’s body relaxed against him. All but one part. Blair was being careful to keep his sweatpant-clad pelvis tucked away from Jim’s frame. Jim knew why. He was having the same problem. A problem that kept growing with every sigh Blair breathed against the warm skin of his neck.

You’ve got to stop this, Ellison, Jim told himself. Another minute of this, and you’ll have Blair flat on his back, your hands exploring every inch of that wonderfully familiar yet completely foreign body. And he pictured that, Blair looking trustingly up at him while he, Jim ran the palm of his hand over that fuzzy abdomen. He was suddenly so hot that he knew he couldn’t trust himself for one more second. And he couldn't give in until he knew exactly what both he and Sandburg wanted.

"Come on, lazy bones," he said gruffly, giving Blair a gentle cuff on the head and rolling away. "I don’t know about you, but it’s coffee time." Sliding out of bed, he quickly found a flannel shirt that would come down over his own throbbing sweats. When he dared glance back, Blair was lying sleepily back on the bed, looking up at him with half-lidded eyes. Dammit! Jim swore to himself. That guy was made for the bedroom.

And he couldn’t believe he was thinking that.

Jim quickly left the bedroom and headed for the kitchen. Chicken, he said to himself. That's all you are.

Behind him, Blair stared at the ceiling, his head spinning. Waking up in Jim’s arms. Shit, it had felt so natural. His body certainly thought so. Glancing at the door, he ran his hand down across his lower body and over the cloth-covered expense of his hard cock. Man, he thought, trying to suppress a groan. He was as hard as a rock. And all because of Jim Ellison. God. He thought back to the day he had walked into that hospital room. If he had only known then what he did now….

In the bathroom, Blair jerked off in the shower, unable to hold off any longer, and it was unbelievingly intense. He held onto the cold shower tiles and threw his head back, biting his lip so he wouldn’t howl and disturb the sensitive sentinel ears waiting outside. He didn’t know that just minutes earlier, his sentinel had done the exact same thing, stroking himself into a frenzy with just the thought of a fragrant Blair nuzzling in his arms, dopey and warm from sleep.

At breakfast, Blair said, "Hi," and hurriedly turned business-like, back to the scientist as he brought up subjects like storms and how lucky they were to have time off to be here, and the like. Each time an awkward silence fell, they tried not to lock gazes for too long.

"I think I’ll catch up on some reading," Jim said after a while, and they both curled up in chairs and tried to think of other things than the person only feet away.

Around noon, the rain had tapered off, and Rucker came back for lunch. He had several things to talk about, and afterwards, Jim said, "I think I’ll go stretch my legs for a bit." Blair looked up, wondering if he should go along, but when Jim hurried out with only a short glance at him, he fell back into his reading, heart thumping for some reason.

He’s trying to get away from me, Blair thought. From everything that has been happening.

Rucker didn’t have much to say, but he didn’t miss the way Blair kept glancing out the window. When the younger man finally got up and stood to look out over the ocean, Rucker said, "Jim’s lucky to have you."

Blair jerked his head around, but Rucker was innocently reading his radar screen.

"Yeah, well, I am, too," said Blair uncertainly. "He’s like a great cop, you know?"

"He’s a fine man," said Rucker. "But not an easy one to get to know, as I’m sure you know."

"Yeah," said Blair, waiting. He felt disloyal discussing Jim behind his back, but he was curious as to what this cousin would have to say.

"I’ve known him almost his whole life," Rucker said. "He’s always been a bit of a loner. I’m like that, too, so I can understand." He grinned, still looked down at the radar screen. "That’s why Andy’s so good for me. Never met a stranger, that one. Draws me out, she does. Sort of like you and Jim, I’d wager."

"Yeah, I guess," said Blair, walking over to stare at the radar screen, too.

"Opposites attract, they say," said Rucker and he looked up right at Blair.

"Yeah," said Blair again. Where in the hell was this little discussion going?

"As for me," Rucker said, moving around the small screen, "I’m just glad ol’ Jimmy’s found someone to get so loose with. Good for him, you know?"

"Well, I don’t know about that," Blair said, shifting. He jammed his hands further down in his pockets. "I’m sure I get on his nerves a whole lot."

"We all get on his nerves," Rucker smiled. "But nah, I can tell how much good you’ve done for him, Sandburg." Then he said, "So, you gotta serious girl back on the mainland?"

"No," said Blair, with more shifting.

"That’s okay," said Rucker easily. "Hard to find just the right person, you know? I got lucky with Andy. I expect Jim feels the same about you."

There was a long silence as Blair stared at the radar screen. Finally he said, "Rucker, you know that Jim and I aren’t…." His voice trailed off as he glanced over at the windows and hoped to god that Jim wasn’t somewhere out there listening to this rather peculiar conversation.

"None of my business if you were," said Rucker, business-like. "Give me a hand here, will you?" and the subject was changed effortlessly, leaving Blair to stand there, confused and clueless. Then Rucker said, "One thing I have learned, though. You find something good, you stick with it."

Blair looked up at that and said, "Is that your advice then?"

Rucker’s eyes met his. The bigger man shrugged and said, "Just passing along a little knowledge." But this time, when their eyes met, something was exchanged.

Blair said quietly, "He’s a man, Rucker."

"Aye, that he is," said Rucker, back busy with his work.

"He…he has lots of women friends," said Blair, shrugging helplessly. He couldn’t believe he was having this conversation.

"No doubt," Rucker agreed.

I love him, thought Blair, and suddenly he was filled with the very thing he had known for so long now. The thing that had first set upon him the day he called that press conference, the thing that had set him down that day and made him give up his dreams. Or finally acknowledge that those dreams had now completely morphed into something else.

Suddenly frantic with the need to see Jim, Blair walked to the window, uncaring of what Rucker might think. Looking out, he saw no one on the dock below.

"Blair, do me a favor, will you?" Rucker asked. "Could you run up to the lighthouse and bring me back a cord like this?" And he held up a small extension cord in his big hand. "I think there’s an extra one in the desk."

"Sure," said Blair, and when he grabbed his coat, he heard Rucker say behind him. "No hurry, Blair."

With a sardonic face, Blair made his way up the hill, heart pounding double time. There was no reason to think that Jim would be in the lighthouse. But he found his hands shaking all the same as he opened the first set of doors, then the next. Inside, the place seemed empty. Trying to control his breathing and his disappointment, Blair obediently went to the desk and opened it, looking for the cord in question. One was lying there, as had been said. Jamming it into his pocket, he couldn’t help but glance up at the big window just visible at the top of the stairs, the window where he and Jim had stood for two nights now.

"What’s going on, Sandburg?" said Jim, who was standing there now.

"Uh, I was just getting a cord for Rucker," Blair said, heart lurching as he walked over to the bottom of the stairs. "You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," said Jim, and with long strides, he moved easily down the stairs until he stood right in front of his friend. Blair’s eyes hid nothing. Not his anxiety, not his need, not his love.

We have to deal with this, Jim thought. This is going nowhere fast. He had spent most of the morning roaming around the island, looking for wildlife, trying to think of anything but the young man who had woken up in his arms this morning. It had been impossible, of course. Blair was everywhere. He was in his heart, he was in his mind, he was just behind every tree or wave or cloud.

I don’t know if I’m ready to go there with you, Chief, he had once said. He didn’t know if he was now. But somehow he was already on the path.

"Blair," he said. "We need to talk, buddy."

Blair’s face was immediately emblazoned with trepidation.

"Not now," said Jim, squelching the need to reach out and touch his best friend.

"Okay," said Blair, nodding. "Can you at least say what it’s about?"

"I think you probably know," said Jim, and that was no help at all, thought Blair, his heart banging against his chest.

They walked back to the lighthouse in relative silence. Outside the door, Blair stopped him with a hand on his sleeve.

"Jim," he said, "this isn’t about me having to move out or anything, is it?"

"No," said Jim immediately, and he put a hand out, too, to reassure. "No! Sandburg, I thought we had gotten past all that."

"Okay," said Blair, shifting from one foot to the other. "I thought so too, man, but you were just scaring me a bit there."

"Chief…." Jim didn’t know how to reassure him, how to tell Blair something he could believe when he had already been moved out once by the man he trusted as his best friend. "There’ll be no more talk of moving out, okay?" Jim said mock-sternly, and Blair nodded.

"Deal," he said, relieved, and for a moment, they locked eyes before they headed inside. This is crazy, Jim thought. We’re acting like school kids. Lovesick ones at that.

They had an early supper, and then played several rousing hands of poker, which went a long way to re-establishing the mood of buddies out together. While Blair took his shower, Jim leaned back on the sofa and groaned in frustration. When he caught Rucker’s sardonic glance, he shook his head.

"Don’t you say a damn thing," Jim warned, and Rucker laughed.

"Who, me?" He gathered up the cards and stood, still smiling. "Good night, cuz," and patting Jim heartily on the shoulder, he headed for bed.

When Blair got out of the shower, he found Jim putting blankets on the sofa.

"What are you doing, man?" he asked, lowering his voice and glancing back at the closed curtain off the kitchen.

"Giving you some space," said Jim.

"C’mon, I don’t need space. I mean, I’m sorry if I was taking up yours, which I obviously was."

Now Jim glanced back at the curtain. Taking Blair by the shoulders, he propelled him back toward the bedroom.

"It’s nothing personal, okay?" Jim asked. "It’s just that…well, maybe I’ve been reading things wrong here, Sandburg, but I just think we were getting a little too cozy in that bed."

Their eyes met; Jim could see the denial start to form in Blair’s blue eyes before it was all swept away with his usual blinding honesty. The ex-grad student shifted, said, "I didn’t realize that was a problem, man."

"I didn’t say it was," Jim said softly. "I just think that maybe we should talk about a few things first."

"Like what?" Blair asked.

Jim made a small sound of incredulity. "You don’t think we need to talk?" he asked. "You, the master of getting in touch with your feelings?"

"I’ve already gotten in touch with my feelings about this," Blair said frankly, and his voice was deep and rich and sure.

There was a slight pause. "You have," Jim repeated flatly. He had one hand on Blair’s shoulder.

"I think so," said Blair, nodding and looking at Jim’s feet.

"Okay," said Jim, not knowing what to say.

"But apparently you haven’t," said Blair, "which is cool. But why don’t you let me take the sofa, man? You can have the bed."

"Sandburg, it’s not like I don’t…." Jim shook his head. He hated to be this off-balance. "Let’s just talk in the morning," he said. "Okay?" He squeezed Blair’s arm. "Things will make more sense then," though he really didn’t know how that would happen.

"That’s fine," said Blair, and he raised his eyes to Jim’s. "But if you change your mind, there’ll always be room for you. It will be a lot colder in that room without your body heat, man."

Jim stared at him. Blair gave him a half-smile and a raised eyebrow before turning to go into the bedroom.

As Jim moved toward the sofa, he caught a movement – his cousin had pulled back the white curtain separating his sleeping quarters from the kitchen and was looking at him.

"What?" Jim mouthed, and Rucker just shook his head, rolled his eyes, and shut the curtain again.

That night Jim absolutely could not sleep. The sofa had not been designed for resting comfort, and after an hour or so of that, Jim thought, forget this. What was his point again? He was a grown man. He could control himself if he slept in the same bed with Sandburg. My god, he had been living with him for almost four years. Growling to himself, he grabbed his pillow and stalked stealthily toward the bedroom door.

The small room was very dark, and Blair was asleep, little more than a bundle with a tad of hair escaping at one end. Shutting the door quietly behind him, Jim sat down on the bed and gently slid underneath the covers.

Blair said, "Jim?"

"Yeah?" Jim asked.

"Everything okay?"

"Sandburg, I wish I had a dime for every time you’ve asked me that this trip," Jim growled, and moved over against Blair’s warmth.

After a while, they both fell back asleep.

Jim had erotic dreams, quite a few, and they involved all sorts of people – everyone from Blair to some woman Jim had seen on TV to total strangers at some sort of outdoor movie theatre. The Blair parts were particularly real. When Jim woke up in the middle of the night, he thought, Blair said he didn’t have a problem with this. Blair had acted like he had made up his mind. He hadn’t actually said what his decision was, though.

"Sandburg," Jim said, just to see if Blair was awake, and there was no reply. So Jim said, "I wish I could be as brave as you are, Sandburg." Again, there was no answer, so Jim continued, very softly. "I’m just a big dumb schmuck," he said. "I mean, about some things. This is one of them." He glanced over at Blair’s sleeping form, which was curled up right next to him. "I’m on totally new turf here, Chief. Sometimes I think I’m losing my mind, other times I think I’ve finally figured out the answer to everything. This can’t be right, Sandburg. I mean, this has never been my thing, you know? I always just expected to end up with some nice woman, like Carolyn, I mean, I tried that…." His voice trailed off as he pondered how poorly that had worked out. "At first, you were this colossal pain in the ass, no, not really, I don’t guess, but it was just like having this kid around always in my space. It wasn’t bad; it was just different. Then I came to depend on you, and not just because of all that senses stuff. Then you said that thing about being friends-"

"Which I meant," said Blair, and Jim jerked and looked over to where the student was smiling fondly at him. "Nice speech," he said. "Don’t let me stop you. Keep going."

"Ah, I didn’t really have anything to say," Jim said.

"I think you did," said Blair. "C’mon. Keep going."

Jim sighed, hesitated. "This is not how I had planned for us to have this talk, Sandburg."

"You know me, Jim," Blair said, "I can talk anywhere."

"Yeah, but…."

"You were doing fine," Blair said firmly.

Jim sighed deeply, rolled over on his elbow to look at Blair. In the darkness, it all felt very hushed and intimate, and easy.

"This is not where I expected this to go," Jim said bluntly.

"Where do you think this is going, Jim?" Blair asked in a very calm, even tone. His guide voice, Jim thought.

"I don’t know, Sandburg," Jim said, starting to sound exasperated. "You tell me. You’re the one with all the answers here, Chief."

"Oh, no," said Blair. "I can’t give you the answer to this, my friend. You have to figure this one out on your own."

Jim’s cool blue eyes raked over Blair’s face – his high forehead, his wide bones, the full mouth. "Why did you give up your world for me, Chief?" he asked.

Blair paused before saying, "Because I had no choice."

"No, you had a choice," Jim said. "You had a hell of a lot of choices. You could have taken that money-"

"Jim, do you really think that’s what I wanted? The money? I thought we were all past that, man."

"I didn’t say you wanted it," Jim said quickly. "I just said that that was one of the choices."

"Not for me, man," Blair said surely. "Not for me."

"Why?" Jim asked, and Blair knew this was really the 64,000 dollar question.

"Because I love you," he said. "Because this is where I’m meant to be, because you’ll always be a sentinel, my sentinel and need protecting, and because hell, Jim, I think it’s pretty much of a damn coincidence that I’ve been searching for a sentinel all my adult life and there you were. And here we still are."

"Blair," said Jim, shaking his head, "it all happened so fast. I mean, I’m a man, Sandburg. I don’t make it a habit of falling in love, or whatever this is, with male anthropology grad students."

"I should hope not," said Blair, "or I might have to get tough with the competition."

"This isn’t funny, Sandburg," Jim said seriously. "Do you know what you’re doing here? I’m a cop. I can’t suddenly start marching in the gay pride parades. And you’re a young man, and straight at that. At least previously. You going to get tired of me, Chief? Trade me in for another model when you lose interest in me and my senses? And what happens if I lose those senses, huh?"

Blair took a deep breath, reminded himself where all this fear was coming from. "Jim," he said. "I know, you’re right. It’s not like I’ve not thought of those things myself. You think it was easy for me to realize how dependent I’ve gotten on you? How much I started liking having one place and one person to represent home to me? But about the senses thing, you don’t have to worry about that, man. It might have been about that at one point, but that was over a long time ago for me." He reached out, put the flat of his hand against Jim’s sculptured chest. "It’s not the senses that make me want to stay here, Jim. It’s the person underneath them."

"But how can that be?" Jim asked, desperately trying, and wanting, to understand. "Aren’t you still attracted to women? Don’t you want them?"

"I’m not denying I look at women, Jim," Blair admitted, "but the only person I love is you. The only person I want is you. And I don’t think that’s ever going to change."

"You don’t think," said Jim, seizing upon that word. "You don’t think. But you don’t know, Sandburg. What happens when the next Molly, or Cassie, or-"

"Jim," said Blair, "what about you? You’re much straighter than me, man, and I’m pretty straight. You gonna be happy coming home to me at night? Instead of some to-die-for woman who looks like she was carved up on Mt. Olympus?"

Jim stopped, looked at his roommate.

"I don’t want us to mess this up because we’re scared, man," said Blair, patting Jim’s chest for emphasis. "That would be, like such a bad idea. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me," he added softly.

"How can that be?" asked Jim, but his tone was softer, too. With the back of one hand, he reached out and gently touched the side of Blair’s cheek. "I’ve done nothing but put you in danger since the moment I met you, Chief. And I’ve changed you, changed your world. You’re not the same little hippie boy that first moved in with me."

"I grew up," said Blair, touching Jim’s face, too. He had wanted to do that for so long now. With his thumb, he gently caressed the smooth expanse of cheekbone. "And as for putting me in danger, no man, you only opened up my life. Showed me things I never would have seen before."

"I’ve hurt you, Blair," Jim said baldly. "I threw you out…." He shook his head. "You died because of me, Blair, and I wasn’t there to protect you. I wasn’t there." And taking his hand away from Blair’s face, he put it on his own, rubbing his eyes.

"Jim, we’re over that. You saved me, man. You went inside of me and brought me back. I know, you said you didn’t know if you could go there with me, Jim, but it was already too late for me then. If I had had any doubts before, that moment blew them all away." He shrugged, put his hand back on Jim’s face. "I didn’t think you’d feel the same way, but I couldn’t help it."

"You think you’re in love with me," Jim stated, as if asking for verification.

"No," said Blair evenly. "I know I’m in love with you, Jim. I’ve known for some time."

"And you never said."

"What was I supposed to say? It’s your turn to get groceries, man, and by the way, I’m in love with you? Yeah, right."

Jim reached out again and touched the side of Blair’s cheek. What the hell? This guy deserved nothing less than his total honesty. "I think I’m in love with you, too, Chief. I’ve tried to deny it for a very long time, I guess, but…I can’t think of anything else this might be."

"Not indigestion, food poisoning, maybe the remnants of a bad drug trip?" Blair joshed, trying to cover up the way those words took his breath away.

"Maybe. I’ll let you know later," Jim said dryly.

They stared at each other. "Do you want to say, "Now what?" or shall I?" Blair asked, and Jim smiled.

"Hell if I know, Chief."

"Well," said Blair, and Jim could see the beginnings of his blush even in the darkened room, "last night was a good start."

Jim said nothing, just pulled Blair to him, and the younger man wrapped his arms around him. "Sandburg," he said quietly against Blair’s hair, "I don’t know what all I can do about this. This is all new to me, you know."

"It doesn’t matter," Blair thought, though his heart fell at the thought that Jim might not ever want him in that way. "We just do it our way, okay? That’s the way we’ve done everything else, right? I mean, who would have thought our partnership would have worked out in the first place, you know?"

Jim smiled, rubbed big circles on his roommate’s back. "Good point. Hairboy," he couldn’t resist.

"Hey, I'm just glad I can get called that again," said the younger man gratefully.

"That’s okay. Even when it was short you still looked better than men with ten times your hair. And even those who don’t have nearly as much. Believe me, I know," he said self-depreciatingly, and Blair’s smile deepened.

"I might have to argue with you on that," he said, tightening his arms around Jim’s neck.

"I think you just like to argue."

"I think you just don’t want me to argue because I always win."

"Dream on, baby," Jim said, and the intimacy was too wonderful and too great; he couldn’t resist. He placed gentle lips on Blair’s temple and left them there for a long moment.

"Man, I love you," Blair said, closing his eyes.

"Then go to sleep," said Jim, all pleased and warm inside. "You can worship me some more in the morning."

"Now who’s dreaming?" Blair asked, and snuggling up with his sentinel, he eventually fell back asleep.

In the morning, Jim woke early and just watched Blair sleep. He was beautiful, Jim thought, and wondered how it was that he thought that. Because he really was beautiful, like some kind of statue? Or just beautiful because he, Jim, loved what he was inside. Last night he had told Blair he didn’t know if he would be able to go through certain things with a man. Now, looking at Blair in the dim light of morning, he wondered how he could be stopped from doing such.

"Mmh," said Blair, rolling against him, and Jim cradled him in his arms, Blair’s face buried on the top of his shoulder. With his other hand, he gently rubbed Blair’s forearm, feeling every inch of skin, hair, muscle. Blair woke up quite soon after that, and froze when he realized his very hard body was pressed against Jim’s leg. Again.

When he started to pull back nonchalantly, Jim said quietly, "You don’t have to do that, Chief. It’s just another part of you, and I like every part you have."

"I’m sorry," said Blair, "It’s just well you know…." He gave a rather nervous giggle.

Jim smiled, pulled his best friend to him. "Yeah, I know." They lay there for a while, breathless, humming with need and desire and nerves. Then Jim said, "I guess Rucker will be up with breakfast soon."

"Jim?" Blair asked, and Jim looked down at him, still holding him close. "You know that you can…well, I’m up for…well, whatever this relationship brings," Blair said.

"Not all of us are as bold as you are, Chief," Jim said, patting his arm. "But it’ll come."

Despite himself, Blair just started a fit of giggling at those words.

Frowning, Jim pulled away, swatting him affectionately. "Laugh it up. We’ll see whose so full of themselves after another night of losing at poker," Jim said threateningly, and he moved out of the bed. Blair was up for things. Well, funny, so was he. Literally. But he had to move slowly. Had to make himself move slowly. Because if he didn’t, god knows what he might unleash. It might not be pretty.

Blair was glowing like a light bulb at breakfast – god only knows what Rucker might think, Jim thought. But he didn’t care.

While Blair took his shower, Rucker glanced over at Jim, who gave him a pointed stare.

"You got heat up there in that lighthouse?" Jim asked.

"None to speak of," Rucker said. "Why?"

Jim shrugged. He had kicked around the idea of him and Blair spending the night up there. It would give them more privacy, and maybe give him the nerve to progress with this a little further. But Blair shaking with cold wouldn’t be such a good idea.

"There’s a space heater," Rucker said, "but we obviously couldn’t heat the whole light area. It would be way inefficient."

Jim thought about thin sleeping bags on hard floors and regretfully started to nix that idea.

"We’re a coast guard station," Rucker added sardonically. "Not some bed and breakfast in San Francisco."

"Ouch," said Jim dryly. "That was low."

Rucker just laughed. "No offense meant, of course."

Jim shot him another dry glance.

Blair was in such a good mood that he was practically humming with energy, even when they settled down on the sofas to read. Rucker had to do his usual chores, and they both took turns helping. Blair made lunch, and afterwards the three of them talked, read, and played a rousing game of crazy eights. Blair beat the stuffing out of them, cackling gleefully throughout the whole little operation.

After dinner, Jim said quietly, "Chief, you wanna take a walk up to the lighthouse?"

Rucker thought meanly, I ought to say, sure, Jim, good idea. Just let me get my coat. Instead, he just pursed up his mouth and said nothing.

Blair’s heart was thumping as they walked up the hill and opened the door to the darkened building. Once inside, Jim roamed around restlessly.

"It wouldn’t be a bad way to live, being stationed out here," Blair said rather nervously, more to make conversation than anything else.

"Too lonely for you though, huh?" Jim replied automatically.

"Well, that would depend if you were here, man."

Jim turned to face him, the younger man so close at his side that he practically bumped into him. "Sandburg," he said.

"What? You’re not having regrets, are you?" Blair demanded a bit loudly.

"How could I have regrets?" Jim asked, amused, putting a hand on Blair’s shoulder. "We’ve not done anything to regret yet."

"We’ve said some things," Blair said frankly.

Jim reached up, pulled gently on a curly strand of Blair’s hair. "I don’t regret anything I’ve said, Chief."

"Good," said Blair, "because I don’t want you to regret anything, man. I want you to want everything that happens between us."

His face was upturned, earnest, and Jim couldn’t help but cup it in his hands. Slowly, he leaned down and kissed Blair right on the lips.

Closing his eyes, Blair sighed as his full lips pressed against Jim’s. Jim pulled back, looked at his roommate and best friend.

"Well," he said, his heart pounding, "I guess we survived that."

Blair merely leaned up, and they kissed again, this time slowly, lingeringly, making time to get to know this part of each other. After a moment, Blair’s lips parted, and Jim could taste his breath, the hint of Blair to come, and wrapping his arms around the smaller man, he pulled him closer and kissed him more urgently.

When Blair’s lips parted even farther, obviously inviting, Jim took his tongue inside, licking Blair’s mouth, finding the lush wetness, his head spinning as the taste of Blair exploded through his body and his senses. Groaning, he deepened the kiss, and found Blair tasting him as well, his tongue eager and searching. Just like Blair, Jim thought, dizzy, and then, this is just another part of Blair. A part I already love, a part I should have gotten to know a long, long time ago.

When they finally pulled apart, Blair’s eyes were half-lidded, half-dazed, and Jim could feel the blood coursing through their veins so loudly that he was almost inundated with the rush.

"Let’s go back," Jim managed, his voice husky, and Blair nodded, leaning over to squeeze Jim one more time. Jim dropped a kiss on the ex-student’s curly head. Putting an arm around Blair’s shoulder, Jim steered them down the hill, both still consumed in each other and what had just happened. They said little, and when they did, they didn’t know what they were saying. They were both still back in that lighthouse, lost in that kiss.

Rucker was already getting ready for bed, and he glanced at Jim when they returned. Jim didn’t have to say a thing; Rucker hurried his bed preparations.

"Shower," Blair murmured.

While he was in there, Jim just laughed a despairing laugh and said, "I’m a lost man, Rucker."

"I’m sorry," Rucker said, sounding sincere, and their eyes met. "It won’t be easy," Rucker said.

Jim nodded. "No," he said, "I suppose not."

"But then again, when have we ever cared about that?" Rucker asked, and again, Jim nodded.

Jim was in bed reading when Blair came in, shutting the door behind him and standing there looking a bit like a lost puppy. Jim put down the book and turned off the light.

When Blair slipped under the covers, Jim moved right to him, and Blair clung to him, basking in his warmth. "I guess this vacation has turned out okay," Jim said, pressing his lips against Blair’s curly hair.

"I’ve had worse," said Blair. "Like the last time we were here."

Jim smiled. "Yeah."

"I’m still waiting for the gun-toting terrorists to appear out of nowhere," Blair said dryly.

"Not this time, Chief," Jim said. "Not this time," and he ran a big hand along the side of Blair’s face before putting his arms around the younger man and holding him very tightly against him. For a moment they just lay there, hearts pounding.

"I have to say," Blair said after a moment, "that this is the slowest courtship I’ve ever had."

"Why? Because it’s lasted over a week?"

"That was low, man," said Blair, giggling. Then he added, "Those days are over."

"They better be," said Jim threateningly, and daringly he ran his hand over Blair’s round butt and held it there.

Blair stopped breathing.

Not speaking, Jim gingerly squeezed the firm cheek, kneading it, feeling the taut muscles underneath the cotton sweatpants. Blair, finally aware once more, ran his own hand down over Jim’s strong back and onto his firm ass as well.

"Well," said Jim, his lips twitching, "now that we’ve formed the mutual butt squeezing society…."

Blair laughed, silly, his face hiccuping into Jim’s shoulder. "It’s a start, right?"

Jim sobered immediately. "You got to give me a break here, Chief. I don’t know what to do," he admitted against Blair’s head.

Blair pulled back, looked up at Jim in the grayness. The look on his face made Jim’s head spin. "Just touch me, Jim," Blair said breathlessly. "Just…get to know me. I’d like that."

Touch me. The words rang in the darkness, lit Jim’s blood with a ravenous fire, made his hands shake as gently he moved Blair onto his back. Completely fixated on the task at hand, Jim pulled at the bottom of Blair’s tee-shirt.

Blair thought he would hyperventilate as his roommate gently eased the hem of the shirt up a bit, exposing Blair’s hairy belly.

"Nice stomach," Jim commented casually, as if he were examining a piece of evidence.

"Thanks. I made it myself."

"With help from Naomi, no doubt," said Jim, fully agreeable to going along with this piece of nonsensical conversation. The words kept him from falling completely into this unknown abyss.

"And some completely unknown male," Blair agreed.

"That ever bother you?" Jim asked, looking up at Blair.

"Nah," said Blair. Then, "well, maybe, sometimes."

"I thought maybe it did," said Jim softly.

"You did?" Blair regarded him uncertainly.

Jim shrugged, looked back at Blair’s stomach. With a steady finger, he traced a line through the fine hair there. Blair sucked in a breath. "We all have things that bother us," Jim said.

Blair reached up and touched the side of Jim’s face. "That’s what friends are for," he said unsteadily.

Jim smiled, and leaned down to bestow a gentle kiss on Blair’s belly. "Friends," he mused.

Blair dropped his hands and pulled his tee-shirt up further.

"Why don’t we just do this," said Jim, and together they took Blair’s shirt off, threw it to the side of the bed, where it fell off in an untidy heap to the floor.

"Don’t you dare get up and fold that thing," Blair instructed.

Jim looked down at him with soft eyes and said, "Who’s going to stop me if I do?"

"Me," said Blair, reaching up and pulling Jim down on top of him, and for a moment they lay there, still against one another, hearts pounding.

"Why don’t we take these off, too," said Jim matter-of-factly, pulling at the waistband of Blair’s sweatpants, and suddenly roaring hot, Blair obliged. He felt like he had just succumbed to the biggest fever in the world as he slid them down and jerked them off his sock covered feet. Then, without asking, he took off the boxers, too, throwing them off the bed.

"The socks stay on," Blair announced, quickly covering himself up with the heavy blankets. He could feel the tips of his ears flaming in the darkness.

"I wouldn’t have it any other way," Jim said, nearly choking from unexpected emotion. Then, "Come here, Sandburg," and snuggling under the covers with him, Jim pulled a naked Blair right into his arms.

That was his undoing. A naked Blair. A warm armful of naked Blair. Jim had officially gotten on the high diving board now, and was eagerly jumping off.

"You’ve still got all your clothes on," Blair pointed out, as Jim ran a hand down his back to grasp his now bare behind.

"One of us has to maintain some kind of decorum here," Jim said, amazed at the feel of Blair’s skin, at the soft texture, at the firm roundness. He stroked an exploring finger down the crack between Blair’s cheeks and Blair jumped, tightened. "Sorry," Jim said automatically, realizing what that might mean in terms of their new relationship.

"No, it’s okay," Blair said hurriedly. "I was just taken by surprise, that’s all."

"Nobody’s ever touched you there before?"

"I don’t kiss and tell," Blair mumbled.

"Good," said Jim, "because I think I’m going to be the jealous type. Kidding," he added, in case Blair got the impression that he was going to be stuck with that throwback caveman type.

There was a pause, and then Blair said, "I love you." And it was the trust in his voice that was Jim’s undoing.

"I don’t deserve you," Jim said, unable to believe that had actually come out of his mouth, so he quickly busied it with something else before it could betray him again.

"That is so not true," Blair began, bristling with the start of indignation, when he felt Jim’s lips touch just below his collarbone. "Oh," Blair said.

Jim’s moved his palm to Blair’s chest, gently tugged at the hair there. Then, hand shaking, nearly numb, he ran a thumb across the student’s already hardening nipple. Blair sucked in a breath, said nothing, waited.

Jim continued his tentative exploration, played with the nipple a bit longer, gently rubbing, caressing, until he heard Blair’s shaky breath.

"That feels good," the younger man admitted.

Leaning over, Jim gently kissed the tiny nub. Worried it with his teeth, sucked it. He had done this kind of thing before. Bit of a difference, but the general idea was the same. He played with Blair’s stomach again, enjoyed the way it caved in, shivering, under his touch. The excitement was beginning to carry him away. He was hard, more than hard, and starting to see all the incredible doors that were now opening for him and this man that he loved and trusted so much.

"This okay?" Jim asked, clearing his throat, as he ran his hand down lower.

"Uh-huh," Blair managed, again fighting hyperventilation. He hadn’t done that in a long time during sex, not since the first few times he had touched a girl and scared her to death until he lied and said that he had asthma. That relationship hadn’t lasted very long.

No matter now, he thought. Because this one was going to last forever.

Shutting the final door, Jim ran his hand around Blair’s groin, feeling the tiny hair begin to crunch underneath his touch. Precious, he thought. Even the hard thighs and strong muscles didn’t deter from that. Precious. Someone to cherish, to love, to take care of, someone to take care of him, too. He smoothed the inside of Blair’s thighs as Blair lay waiting, breathless. Then he felt Jim’s finger tentatively move across the soft, heavy sac of his balls.

"Ah," Blair moaned. He couldn’t help it. Oh god, there might be a few other things that he couldn’t help. Like coming prematurely all over Jim’s arm.

"Like that?" Jim whispered, moving his fingers to the base of Blair’s cock. With an impatient flick of his wrist, he knocked the covers back enough so that he could see his new lover’s body. "Not cold?" he asked automatically, glancing back up at Blair.

"No, I’m okay," said Blair. He looked so vulnerable lying there, so expectant. Jim felt like he was at the edge of a whole new adventure in life. Which, he reflected, he was.

He ran his fingers up the length of Sandburg’s hard, pulsing cock. Blair gave another moan, licked his lips in anticipation.

"You like that?" Jim asked again.

Blair said shakily, "What do you think?"

Jim smiled as he continued to stroke Blair, rounding his fingers around the wide shaft (quite a package you’ve got there, Sandburg), tightening the ring of his hand as he moved it across the head of Blair’s cock.

"Oh!" Blair was jerking, and pleased, Jim continued at a renewed pace, up and down until Blair was bucking and gasping, "Jim, I’m gonna-"

"Yeah," said Jim, really getting into the show here, "come on baby, I want you to, I want to see you pumping all over my hand," and just as Jim thought, god, I hope Rucker can’t hear this, Blair was shuddering and with a final wrench and shriek, spurted out all over Jim’s hand and his own writhing abdomen.

"Oh man," Blair said, collapsing, eyes closed.

Curious and very proud of himself, Jim licked one of his sticky fingers, sucking in the taste of Blair. It was different – a little bitter, but definitely something he would make himself get used to. Because seeing Blair come like that all over his hand had quite frankly, really rocked his world. Smiling smugly, he moved up and lay his head next to Blair’s on the pillow. Wrapping his arms around the naked and sated student, Jim stroked Blair’s hair gently as the younger man continued to recover.

"That was great," said Blair, moving his head so he could see Jim. "I’d say you were a natural."

"Well, I’ve had years of practice," Jim said dryly. "On myself, of course," he added hastily.

"Was it different?" Blair asked. "Strange for you?" And he reached up, traced a line across Jim’s face.

"It was new," Jim admitted, "but it was great. You were great," he said, leaning down, and he lay his lips on Blair’s for a very tender kiss. "Hope it was okay," he added, rather uncertainly.

"Jim, if it got any more okay, I would be losing IQ points," said Blair.

Jim smiled and said, "Fortunately, you have plenty to spare." Reaching over, he grabbed a handful of tissues from the bedside and gently cleaned Blair up.

"You’re beautiful," he said, as he did so. "Hairy, but beautiful."

"Guess you’re not used to being with someone with this much hair," Blair said ruefully.

"I don’t know, there was that bearded woman once when the circus came to town," Jim said, reflecting.

"Ha ha." Then Blair said, "You’ve still got clothes on." He ran a testing finger down the front of Jim’s pants. "Anything happening in there?"

"I think you can tell there is," Jim said, trying not to jerk as Blair’s finger lightly ran across his hard-on.

"I want to touch you," Blair whispered, and Jim, his own ears flaming now, nodded and started undoing his clothes. Blair helped pull off the shirt, and ran his eyes eagerly over Jim’s sculptured physique. Then he watched Jim shuck his pants and boxers.

"Remember," Jim said seriously, "the socks stay on."

"Like I could ever get you out of those white socks," Blair said, pulling the cover up to their waists for warmth.

"Hey, don’t diss the white socks there, Chief."

"Diss? Who’s been teaching you hip language, Ellison?" Blair moved against Jim’s naked body, wrapped his arms around his neck and held on for a while.

"Well, you see, I’ve got this hip young anthropologist I’m hanging around with-"

"Not an anthropologist any more," Blair reminded him flatly, and Jim stopped.

"Sorry," he said. "But you’ll always be an anthropologist to me, Chief. The best."

"Sometimes, James," Blair said, "you do say the right things." And he turned up his face and Jim leaned down to meet it, lips holding firmly. They kissed for a very long time, drowning in each other, kissing until Jim could feel every tastebud on Blair’s tongue, every hollow of his mouth, every ridge on his teeth. And still he wanted more. Groaning with pleasure and need, he rolled over on top of Blair, seriously kissing him now, letting Blair know with his mouth and his tongue and the tender, tight way he held him, that he was never going to let him go.

Blair had never felt anything like it. He hadn’t known anything like it existed, and the fact that it was existing here, now, with Jim, was just about too much for him. He thought of all the times he had kissed women before, playfully, lovingly, lingeringly. It had never been like this. Never.

"Oh god, Chief," Jim was saying, pulling Blair’s hardening cock against his, melding their bodies together as tightly as he could. Blair bucked against him, then pulled away, panting.

"Your turn," he said, pushing Jim back, and Jim let himself be pushed, let himself be laid out in front of his old friend and new lover.

"God, you’re beautiful," Blair said, eagerly taking in the fine ribcage, the abs, the lean hips and the proud, jutting penis which leapt from a patch of soft brown hair.

"Careful, you’ll make my head swell," Jim said dryly, and Blair raised an eyebrow knowingly.

"I’d say it’s too late for that," he said, and he reached out and touched the tip end of Jim’s cock.

Jim stiffened, groaned, and Blair turned his attention to Jim’s chest, moving so he was beside it, examining each muscles, each curve, each scar. "Your body has taken so much abuse," Blair said, and he leaned down and gently touched each scar with his mouth.

"That’s what you get when you hook up with an old war wounded veteran," Jim said derisively.

Blair said, mouth against his new lover's skin, "Every scar is a part of you, Jim. It’s who you are, and I love every part of you."

Sometimes, Jim thought, it paid to be hooked up with a wordsmith. He looked up at Blair, moved.

"I love you so much, man," Blair repeated, and Jim thought he had never heard such truth, such honesty ring out in a voice.

"I love you, too, Blair," he whispered, and Blair straddled him, raining kisses on his neck and ears before moving to his chest, which he examined as though it were a priceless treasure.

"You like this?" Blair asked, lightly running his palm over one of Jim’s hard nipples. He could feel Jim’s cock twitch in response underneath his hips.

"Yeah," said Jim, very quietly, and Blair leaned down and ran his tongue across the tiny nubs. Knowing Jim was watching him, he really put his all into it, pushing the tongue out, teasing, pleasing, and then he licked his way across Jim’s sculptured belly and down to his thighs.

"Sandburg," said Jim, "you don’t have to do that if you don’t want to."

"Are you kidding?" asked Blair. "I’ve died and gone to heaven, man." And he sat and looked at Jim’s nether parts, his fingers stroking the smooth inside of Jim’s thighs.

"You’ve never been with another man, right?" Jim asked. "I mean, it’s okay if you have."

Blair shook his head. "No, I haven’t," he said. "You’re the only man for me, Jim Ellison." And he moved his fingers up and across Jim’s balls and then to the base of Jim’s hard cock. "This feel good?" he asked, ringing Jim’s cock with his fingers like Jim had done his.

"What do you think?" Jim asked mock-grumpily, throwing Blair’s earlier words back in his face.

Blair grinned. "Oh, yeah," he said. And leaning down he licked his tongue all the way up Jim’s erection.

"Sandburg," Jim breathed.

"Uhm?" Blair asked, looking up at Jim with a devilish look in his blue eyes as that tongue circled the head of Jim’s cock.

Entranced, Jim could only watch, and feel. Closing his eyes, Blair sank into his work: feeling and licking Jim's throbbing cock.

In only a moment, Jim was thrusting carefully, then not so carefully, then groaning loudly as he said, "Blair! I’m gonna come!" And Blair, afraid at the last moment, moved his mouth and stroked Jim as the white cream shot out and blanketed Blair’s hand.

Wow. Blair stared happily at Jim’s relaxed face. Jim Ellison, after-glow. Oh yeah. And he had done it to him. Quickly scooting up to cuddle, Blair touched Jim’s face softly. Then he reached down and took a tiny scoop of Jim’s essence and brought it up to taste.

Jim looked up, watching Blair’s tongue reach out to lick the stuff off his finger. "Ever tasted that before?" Jim asked.

"Mine," admitted Blair. "I was curious."

"Different taste?"

"You tell me," Blair said, moving his finger to Jim’s mouth and Jim tasted himself.

After thinking for a moment, the sentinel announced, "Yours is better."

Blair smiled and started to snuggle, but remembered the tissue. He cleaned Jim up very gently, and then pulled the cover over both of them.

"It’s a new world," he said.

"Nah," said Jim. "Same old world. Just better people to share it with." And he patted Blair tenderly on the shoulder.

Smiling, Blair drifted off to sleep.

When the helicopter landed to pick them up, Jim and Blair just stood there for a moment, looking back at the island.

"Glad you boys came out," Rucker said, leaning over to shake Blair's hand. "To the island, I mean" he said, eyes twinkling.

Blair felt his face flush, and Jim just laughed.

"I'll give Andy your regards," Rucker added straight-faced

"Man, I am never going to live that down, am I?" Blair asked, as they climbed into the chopper.

Jim just laughed. "Nope," he said. Glancing over at his best friend, he gently patted Blair's knee. "You know what they say, Chief. What goes around comes around."

And as the helicopter lifted off and turned toward the mainland, Blair just smiled and whispered, "I'll just take what comes, big guy."

"Like I said before, Sandburg," said Jim with hooded eyes, "you are a bad, bad boy."

Blair just smiled. And of course did not deny it.

The End